


Helpless

by smellslikecitrus



Category: Deadpool (2016), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, But Also Everything, Confused Peter, Fluff, Hamilton References, How Do I Tag, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Some Humor, Song Parody, Spideypool - Freeform, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, Weddings, funny?, some violence, wade singing, whoa how did that happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellslikecitrus/pseuds/smellslikecitrus
Summary: Wade starts singing on the job. Peter is just trying to be a hero. (And impress his dad)Key word: try(White is italics, Yellow is bold)





	1. Part I

“Oooh! I do, I do, I do, I doooo! HEY!” Wade yelped as an attacker axed his back, blood spurting in long gushes. “I was just trying to set the tone!”

Deadpool grabbed the axe now embedded in his back and yanked, pulling it free with a sickening sucking sound. He turned with deadly intent, slightly more loopy now that his blood was out of his body and on the ground of the alley. Quickly taking care of Lackey Number 7, he surveyed his handiwork with a sigh. 

“Hey, didn’t anyone ever tell yo—” a gasp was heard, followed by a choked off noise. Deadpool, surprisingly, wasn’t familiar with this angry super yet, and as he turned to catch a glimpse of the person stumbling onto the massacre, the other man was standing there in shock, taking in the damage. “Holy—”

Wade cut the other man off, finishing his sentence with, “sweet sassy molassy! What the shit! You stole my costume!”

The other super just blinked at him, then looked at Wade’s work, then back at him. “You just— what the— I got out early!” he blurted. 

“What?”

“What?”

Wade regarded him suspiciously, raking his gaze up and down his body, sizing him up, before stopping on his spandex-covered behind. “GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, dayy-um! You can keep the costume baby, you look better than I ever could!”

The man tensed, and backed up a little, bringing one of his arms behind his back slowly, like Deadpool wouldn’t notice him getting something from his back.

“I hate to break it to you, Deadpool, but I can’t let you just kill in my city with no consequences.” The man’s voice was steady, although he was still tense as a spring, ready to pounce. 

Wade gasped, bring his gloves hands to the sides of his masked cheeks and widened his eyes at the smaller man, deciding to speak to the voices that had tuned out during the fight but were now back in commission. “Guys, baby boy here knows our name! Our reputation precedes us!” 

White replied helpfully, _well yeah, we’ve been on Tin Man’s list of people to bring in since day one…_

Yellow was enraptured by the other super’s confusion, **aww, look at him! So young! So confused!**

Deadpool growled at Yellow, “hey, stay on task! Jeez…”

The smaller super shook off whatever Deadpool was saying and told him, “okay so, I’m Spider-Man, and I will be, uh, taking you in. Yeah. Because you just killed these people. And a bunch of other people too.”

Deadpool narrowed his eyes at him, “you doing okay there, Spidey? You look a little… woozy.”

Spider-Man brushed him off, “psh.. yeah I’m fine, I’m fine. Y’know, just the first time I’ve met someone with a healing factor that lets them recover from whatever that hole in your back is. And the first time I’ve seen this much blood in one place. Anyway, you stole that button thing… not really sure what it does but Mister Stark needs it back. He debriefed me on you, of course I know who you are. You’re coming with me.” As he said that, he whipped his hand out from behind his back, shooting a sticky white substance that hit the wall just behind Deadpool. Because Deadpool ducked. Because Deadpool was ready.

White scoffed, _yeah, not like you were just leaning in a little to get a better angle on that ass. Not at all._

Yellow chimed in, **hey, dat ass is fine! We don’t need you to rain on our parade!**

“Hold on, Spidey…” Deadpool placated, rolling out of his dodge and standing further away from the spider-themed hero than he would’ve liked. “Iron Balls sent _you_ to take me in? Not Black Widow? Not even fuckin’ Hawkeye? That’s just low, son.”

Spider-Man seemed to roll his eyes, ran and flipped off the wall behind him, and landed in front of Deadpool. Deadpool got shivers from being so close to a specimen such as this one.

Spider-Man wasn’t having it. He tried to… were those webs? Web, then, Deadpool’s arm to the alley wall, but was stopped when the merc with a mouth suddenly headbutted him and threw him off balance. 

“Spiiiidey! I wasn’t finished with my song! And now I get to finish it! In flashback form!” Deadpool hit a button near his pouch, the button that he had _borrowed_ from Stark, effectively rewinding the moment to when he had been axed in the back. 

This time, when he threw Lackey Number 6 off him, he spun around smoothly enough to avoid being cleaved by the weapon in Lackey Number 7’s hands. “Oooh! I do, I do, I do, I do!”

Like last time, as soon as he dispatched the lackey, Spider-Man showed up, and just like last time, choked on his words at the scene. 

Deadpool thought nothing of it, and continued with his little song. “Baby boy, you got me helpless! Look into your eyes, and the sky’s the limit, I’m helpless!” 

Except, just then, Lackey Number 6 apparently wasn’t dead enough, and was able to discharge a shot into Deadpool’s leg before the darkness took him.

Deadpool was down on one knee, still staring at the Spider, when he sang, “down for the count, and I’m… drowning in it!”

Time seemed to slow down as Deadpool did a little reflecting on his life up until the moment he saw that glorious butt stalk into his life, White and Yellow humming along appreciatively in the background. 

“I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight, I was fighting baddies, (they were crappy), with a hot knife! Laughing at their terror as it’s dazzling the room!”

White interjected unhelpfully _but it’s an alley? We are in an alley?_

Deadpool ignored the box. “Then this babe walked in and my heart went boom!” 

Yellow sighed dreamily, **and this time it wasn’t even literally!**

Deadpool continued, ignoring that box as well in favor of his parody, “tryin’ to catch your eye from the side by the bathroom, the bad guys are groaning and the whining: top volume! They writhe to the rhythm of my heart on the line, grab the boxes and whisper, ‘yo, this one’s mine.’”

Deadpool stood up from his kneeling, slowly walking over to where Spider-Man watched him, confused and a little afraid yet unwilling to show it. “I start to make my across the space to you. And you get nervous, ‘cause what am I gonna do? I grab you by the arm, I’m thinkin’ I’m through!” Deadpool narrated his actions up until when he leaned in, and pressed his masked noise to Spidey’s masked nose. 

Spidey leaned toward him slightly, before he must’ve realized what he was doing and froze, pulling away with a huff and narrowed eyes, trying to gauge what Wade was doing with the singing. “Then you leaned towards me and suddenly I’m helpless!” Wade observed.

Yellow swayed as much as the voice box could, **oh, look at those eyes! What would they look like without the mask?**

White tutted disapprovingly, _this guy could tell you to kill yourself and you’d probably do it right now. You’re helpless._ Wade didn’t care. 

Yellow wailed, **down for the count and I’m drowning in ‘em!**

Wade grabbed Spidey’s arm and pulled him away from the gruesome scene. “Where are you taking me?” Spider-Man asked, voice shaking. He didn’t want Deadpool to know how affected he was by the mercenary’s closeness. He didn’t even know why he was acting like this. 

While he was pondering his options, Deadpool replied, “I’m about to change your life, baby boy.”


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went a bit further than planned but whatever
> 
> —note the update of the tags—

Deadpool led Spider-Man up to the roof of the building. It was finally time. He was going to propose. 

It had been a few years from when they first met on that fateful day, when Spidey had gotten his precious Mister Stark’s button back. 

It had taken a few more months after that to break down Peter’s walls. Wade was given the sacred protection of Peter’s identity about six months later. 

Then the dating started. Wade had no idea how Peter put up with him, and his special kind of craziness. But he was going to make it up to him for the rest of his life. 

Starting with finishing his song for the man. 

“Remember this spot? The moment I said something directly from my heart to you?” Wade asked, teary and dramatic. 

“Uh huh, right. You mean the first time we met and you took me up here with an offer to suck me off and I panicked and grabbed Mister Stark’s device and punched you off the building? Oh yeah, suuuper romantic. A plus on that one.” Peter reminisced snarkily. 

Wade clutched his hands over his heart, “the first time you voluntarily touched me! And how was I supposed to know you were only 17? Fuckin’ jailbait, you are…”

White barged in on their banter rudely, _are you going to do this or not?_

Wade took a breath, “right. So.” He cleared his throat. 

He started in the middle of the song, “4 years later I’m yelling your praise nightly, and my life gets better every time that you fight me!” Wade winked at his boyfriend, who he could tell was already blushing and rolling his eyes. Sparring with a superhuman he was in love with was more fun than he had ever imagined...

“Laughing at Karen ‘cause she wants to form a harem!” Yellow chimed in, **she just says that if he loved her he would share you.** Wade snorted at that, “HA!” If Karen had eyes she wouldn’t be that flirtatious. 

Peter motioned him to continue gently, used to Wade going off with the boxes. 

“And now I’m up here, on the roof, stressing.” Understatement of the year. “Your father (lol) stone-faced while I was asking for his blessing.”

Peter hadn’t connected the dots yet, but at this, he gasped and turned toward Wade, wide-eyed. 

I’m dyin’ inside as you, baby, are so fine, and I’m tryin’ not to cry ‘cause there’s nothin’ that your mind can’t doooo!” 

White put in, this time helpfully, _that’s really true… he’s so damn smart._ Wade could tell that the box was just as in love with Peter as Yellow and he were. 

Yellow, needing to be heard, added **yeah, I love it when the author has similar goals as me!**

Wade braved on, “I make my way across the roof to you… I panic for a second, thinking we might be through…” he hesitated for a split second. 

“Then I get down on one knee and promise to be true, and you turn back to me smiling and—” Wade didn’t get to finish, as Peter pulled him into a passionate kiss, molding their mouths together like two pieces of a puzzle finally meeting their proper place. 

They broke apart for air and Peter smiled at him, huge and blissful. He leaned forward and put his lips next to Wade’s ear, making the larger man shiver. “Helpless…” Peter softly repeated Wade’s mantra from years past. 

At this moment, Wade pulled out a ring, a ring with a gold band and a simple garnet stone in the middle. Inscribed on the inside was “Baby Boy,” and Peter melted into the hug that he pulled Wade into. 

They sat on the roof for the next few hours, Wade pulling out a bag of tacos from nowhere, the city seeming fine without their help for the time being.

That said, it took some time to get all the details of the wedding in place, with them finally deciding to have a small and intimate wedding, only the Avengers, Aunt May, some of Peter’s friends, and Weasel invited. 

Peter and Wade had decided to write their own vows, Peter going first. “Wade Wilson, I don’t have a dollar to my name, an acre of land, a lab to command, a dollop of fame. All I have is my honor, a tolerance for pain, a couple of college credits and my top-notch brain.”

Wade smiled brightly at him, both men disregarding the tears pricking their eyes. Peter persevered, “insane, you totally bring out a different side of me. Yellow’s kinda nice to me, White tried to take a bite of me. No stress, my love for you is never in doubt. We have a little place in Queens and we’ll figure it out.”

Without skipping a beat, Wade jumped in with his own vows. “I’ve been living without a family since I was a child. My father left, my mother died, I grew up buck wild. But, I’ll never forget my mother’s face, that was real. And Pete, as long as I’m alive I swear to Death you’ll never feel so helpless.”

They exchanged their rings, these silver instead of the gold.

Weasel, by the power vested in him by GetOrdained.com, pronounced them man and husband. They kissed, a quick peck with a promise to take the time for each other later. 

The reception followed, with Mary Jane somehow able to drink both Weasel and Clint under the table. Wade stood back, impressed, as Peter walked slowly with Mary Jane away from the now incredibly drunk men to go get some water and a seat. 

Aunt May and Tony were conversing quietly while Thor stood by the wine, trying as many drinks as the poor bartender would let him. 

Natasha and Steve were sitting together, heads bent forward as they discussed modern technology, Bruce leaning up against the table near them, occasionally interjecting. 

Wade looked around at his friends and family, his wedding, and his perfect man with the fine ass that completed him, and knew that whatever came up in life for them in the future, he was ready for it. 

Wade was finally satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooooop I’m doooooone
> 
> Ok so this is a thing now...
> 
> No smut because I can’t write that but good enough fluff I hope? No idea how weddings really work so uh
> 
> suspension of belief and All That Jazz
> 
> (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

**Author's Note:**

> HEY Y’ALL IM BACK
> 
>  
> 
> ...in a different fandom whoops  
> But still similar somehow double whoops
> 
> so I had this idea,, and was reading a lot of Spideypool,,,,, so this happened
> 
> Part 2 should be up soon...  
> Yo if you’re a Hamilton addict (or Les Mis or BoM or Great Comet or any other amazing show) fan, hmu in the comments <3
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~im sorry for this lol~~~


End file.
